Yorkshire Writers' Lunch

  First day of the school holidays. Bliss, thought Jacqui. The sun was shining, birds sang and she sunbathed, with not a care in the world. It lasted at least twenty minutes. The sudden, prolonged jarring from the front doorbell startled her and she tried to leap to her feet, rocking the deckchair. She was tipped unceremoniously onto the grass. Rex, her lovable Labrador joined in the fun, racing to find a toy to bring her, skidded on Tracy’s skates and crashed into the rockery. His howls and screams cut into the quiet of the summer day, reaching a crescendo as Jacqui tried to pick him up. ‘What are you doing to that dog?’ Mrs Frazer demanded, from the other side of the fence. ‘Skinning him!’ Jacqui snapped, trying desperately to sooth the frightened animal. *** ‘What a lovely dog.’ The vet was new, young, with a starched, washing-powder-white coat. ‘Let me have a look, lad.’ He patted Rex, who gazed back soulfully, whimpering quietly. ‘I like Labradors. My pare...

When I heard the poetry open mic, When a poet, performer, went up on stage before me. When I caught their rhymes and quick puns, delivered at volume with props, When I, standing in the doorway heard that poet finish with much applause in the bar room, How quickly I turned to flee, Pints in hand and in need of a wee, Round the other way, back to the boys and laughed about all that bohemian noise. This is a shameless parody of When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer by the American poet Walt Whitman, which you can read here .