New Year Irresolution

We love the idea that we choose the way we live our lives. But did we choose the country we were born in? The family we joined? The time and technology, the fashions of clothing and cooking?

This is the time for maxing out on the illusion of choice, through the custom of New Year’s Resolutions. This is where we imagine ourselves, not as a completely different being, but as a person more or less like we are now but with some different habits. For resolutions to change ourselves are usually about habits, not about one-off events. We know we are not really changed by one trip to Japan, but we may be changed by the daily practice of Zen meditation.

Ah, but it is so difficult to change ourselves! We live the way we live now because of a dollop of necessities (people who need caring for, money that has to be earned) married to the customs of the social groups we inhabit. Just knowing that something would be good for us is not enough to make it happen. We have to get the mind on our side, to monitor our progress and to inject some resolve. Sadly, the mind is a slippery customer which comes up with all sorts of excuses. It has to be fooled into the required action.

This New Year I have been thinking about the goal I will not achieve, not even set; and the bad habit I plan to take up in January. Research shows that it is easier to achieve behaviour change if you feel part of a group, so I have been asking my writing friends for their reverse resolutions. Dave can’t remember the last time he made any New Year resolutions, so perhaps he’s been unwittingly irresolute for years. In 2015, he’s determined NOT to:

Join a gym, learn a language, create something on a potter’s wheel, take the lead role in a cutting edge drama – or any role in any drama, read more books than I would have read anyway, walk an uncomfortably long distance, climb an unfeasibly high mountain, go to a country I’ve never heard of, get up earlier in the morning, learn six new recipes, none of which I’ll ever put into practice, try and get more than one correct answer on University Challenge.

Dave says he would raise a glass to the above irresolutions, but he’s already (not?) given up drinking. Clair intends to head off in the other direction:

My New Year’s Irresolution is to drink more alcohol. I used to be quite proficient, but in recent years I have lost form. However, with some committed training I hope I will be able to beat my past performance and set a new personal best.

This irresolution certainly strikes a chord with me; I find it increasingly difficult to get drunk. But I admire Clair’s spirit. The point is, you have to keep trying. Annabel is also planning to party more:

To eat more (although also more healthily). To iron fewer clothes. I used to not iron anything, then I became obsessed with ironing pretty much everything. I need a healthy balance and folding well can help cut down. To go out and party more (my children are getting older and its time to have more grown up fun).

Annabel, thank you for that. The ironing thing has crept up on me, too. On the other hand, I like the smell and it can be good thinking time if a plot needs working on. Inez is clearly an expert in fooling her mind into achieving difficult things:

This year I'm not going to miss any deadlines because I'm not going to set any. Last year I resolved to keep a notebook in my handbag so that I could jot down ideas. This year I hope to remember to put a pen in my bag too.

Yes, every writer needs their notebook and pen, but many forget which pocket they are in at the crucial moment. I can just picture myself at some vibrant social gathering patting each of my pockets and saying, ‘Sorry, can you repeat that? It was really interesting.’ According to Hazel, the ‘s’ word is one that should be treated with extreme caution.

Well, for starters I'm not going to apologise for things that aren't my fault...

Virginia explains why this matters and why such habits die hard;

 I am going to stop saying ‘Sorry,’ when something is either not my fault or I am not sorry at all.  When out shopping, for example, if someone bumps into me, I automatically say ‘Sorry.’  Why do I do this?  They bumped into me, not the other way round. 

I am also going to refrain from saying the ‘S’ word when venturing an opinion or disagreeing with someone else’s view.  I often start by saying ‘I’m sorry, but…..’  Why do I feel the need to apologise for saying what I think, even if it does differ from someone else’s perspective?  So that is going to stop, too. I was at a till point in a shop the other day and the assistant gave me the wrong change.  I said, ‘I’m sorry but I gave you a £20 note……’  Well I was sorry that she didn’t give me enough money but that should not have necessitated an apology from me. 

So my New Year’s Irresolution is to cease that particular form of politeness.  Forever.  So there! Did I come across too strong there?  Sorry!

A very happy New Year to the readers and writers of the Yorkshire Writers’ Lunch blog, and you can add your own irresolutions in the comments section below.