To Kiss or Not to Kiss

When did saying hello or goodbye stop being simple?  I’m sure it was simple when I was at school.  Just “Hello” and “Goodbye” would suffice. The art of letter writing was quite straightforward.  You only had to remember to sign off “Yours sincerely” to a named person and “Yours faithfully” to an unnamed “Sir” or “Madam”.  When I recently received a text from a burly builder friend, apologising for not having put a “x” at the end of his previous text, it made me laugh out loud, but also had me thinking how complicated it has all become, and what an awful waste of emotional energy we must expend trying to get it right.

I think I was first aware of the issue in the sixth form when some of the drama luvvies  started to air kiss when they met each other.  Being air kissed for the first time was quite a shock and straight out of my comfort zone.  I struggled with that through university and into the work place.  Is it the right thing to actually kiss on the cheek or do we just make that smacking sound and brush cheeks? Is it one cheek or two?  And the amount of times I’ve had an awkward moment when accidentally brushing lips with someone is too embarrassing to think about for more than a second.  Thankfully there is no air kissing at the school gates that I have noticed, so that is one problem I seldom face these days.

The art of letter writing seemed to become a problem when communication moved into the realm of e-mails.  Less formality meant I was suddenly faced with a new dilemma in the workplace.  Did I greet my boss with a “Dear” or a “Hi”?  I think one eventually morphed into the other, and also with clients.  How and when did that happen?  It seemed natural to end each email with a short and sweet “Thanks”.  Over time I cottoned on to “Regards” which at some stage was met with “Kind Regards”, “Warm Regards” and “Best Regards”.  When does one become the other?  Now I flinch when someone sends me a message with simply “Regards”.  What does that mean?  It somehow feels so cold, especially if it is in response to my “Kind Regards” but then what does the sender intend?  Perhaps they always sign off “Regards” and it means nothing at all.  I also became unsure of the adequacy of my “Thanks” when I started to receive the dreaded “Many Thanks”. 

At one point I remember receiving a “Best” and was sent off kilter.  Best what?  Since then all “regards” seem very business like and having come out of the business arena, I find myself never quite sure how to sign off an e-mail, often signing with “Best wishes” but can’t help but feel those words sound like something off an outmoded Christmas card.  So for me the dilemma continues.

I will never forget backstabbing “S”.  He was a lawyer acting on the other side of a deal.  My stomach flipped when I received a message in such an over-familiar way.  Was his name Simon or Stuart?  I forget, but his overfamiliarity was just a trick to make me believe we were on the same team. ‘Thanks “S”,’ I thought when he tried to make me look a fool in front of my client later down the line.  No more “A” sign offs for you from now on.  

The biggest struggle for me, however, is the “x” problem.  Almost everyone seems to sign off their text messages with a “x” and that same shoulder-tightening flinch creeps up on me when I receive a message without a “x”, or if I forget to send one.  They seem so overused now that the receipt of a “x” has lost its currency.  It’s more of an issue not to receive one, than a joy to receive one.  Some of my old work colleagues don’t “x”, or only very occasionally.  Receipt of a “x” from them seems to hold more meaning.  At least backstabbing “S” didn’t resort to signing off with a “x”!

Not satisfied with one “x”, there is now the double “x” or the triple “x”.  Recently I found out that some people have “xxx” set up as an automatic response.  The overuse of the “x” is becoming as unnecessary and meaningless as the overused “!”.  Maybe we should go back to a more sincere “Hello” and “Goodbye” - no air kisses please - an emailed “Hi” and “Thanks,” and I guess I will just have to put a “x” on my text messages each and every time, just to be on the safe side, along with my burly builder friend.