Virtually Me by Chris Lloyd

 

I have become an app. app-arently.
Presumably because I popped my clogs;
no other reason makes any sense.
I think I’m alive, virtually at least,
somewhere in the “ether” I’m told.
Not quite grasped that bit yet.
Other than that it’s sort of a different normal
once people get used to it.
I have to be downloaded in order for people
to interact with me; connect with me as it were.
Unlike most apps it’s free plus no ads – cool eh?

Sue! so you downloaded me…..How you doing?
Did you go on the holiday without me?
Yes, I did actually, a good time – Gerald went too
What? Gerald oh my g …
Well you weren’t here – it was platonic
But you went anyway? Before or after I …. you know my funeral
Why do you want to know that
Right so before then; thanks a lot, wife.
I had to or lose the money.
What? We were insured.
I thought so too but apparently you didn’t pay it…..
Yes I did, on my card… oh damn I remember….
I was out of credit.
Good job you had death insurance then, one thing
you got right. By the way, your car is a total write off.
Screw the car, what about Gerry boy, are you sha….
How childish, as usual, but since you ask….
You’ve always fancied him – what’s he got that I hadn’t?
Be careful what you say.
Well for one thing not an obsession for driving at ridiculous speeds
in ridiculous cars and for another, I’ll let you imagine!
Well his wife’s here too and we’re an item. How does that grab you?
Plus, you already know what she’s got that you haven’t, very nice they are too.
How can you be “an item” if you’re an app, it’s stupid. Is she an app too?
Yes, she is. Wait I’ll get her. Jenny, Sue has shacked up with Gerry, did you know?
No I didn’t but no problem for me.
Hello Sue. Hope you and Gerry are ok, which house are you in?
We’re selling each one and going to live in Spain.
Sunny retirement here we come! I bet you wish you hadn’t got in
his car, Jenny. Wait, wait this app chat is too weird, I’m deleting you both now – bye.
Oh well that’s that then – I think I’ll go and get the upgrade to the latest
version – it can’t be deleted, coming?
No I’m going to wait until the bugs have been fixed. I think
you should too, don’t forget what happened last time.
Yeah, as always, I wanted the latest and fastest available, look how that turned out.
Erm can I come to yours, I’m feeling virtually very sexy!
Mmmm me too, see you in a … wow that was fast!
Nice algorithms!

©Christopher Lloyd