The Ditchwater Report by Owen Townend
Judge Pebble Presiding The Defendant: Mud Speck (representing himself) The Prosecutor: Paper Scrap The Charge: Trespass of the puddle beside the lamppost on the other side of the road. The Plea: Not Guilty. PAPER SCRAP - Mr Speck, you float accused of a serious offence here. You are aware that the puddle in question is only an inch deep, are you not? MUD SPECK - I am. I refuse to further comment on such a shallow charge. PAPER SCRAP - Mr Speck, this is a cross examination. You are expected to comment. MUD SPECK - I refer back to my alibi. PAPER SCRAP - Yes. Your alibi. I would like to clarify some detail. MUD SPECK - If you must. PAPER SCRAP - You claim that on the night in question you had...sunk? Is that correct? MUD SPECK - Yes. To my usual crack in the pavement. PAPER SCRAP - And the purpose of your visit? MUD SPECK - I have relatives down there. PAPER SCRAP ...