I Really Don’t Like the Sound of This! by Dave Rigby

Kettle boils, toaster clicks, butter knife scrapes over toast

…the eight o’clock news on Friday the 9^th of May…

A dog barks outside

…the Jonny Cantrell breakfast show...remember this one from 1982…

Phone rings

Williamson…at last…have you got the package?

Yes, I’ve got it this time

No more cock ups... be at The Forge at nine…this is your last chance

Rummaging in drawer, rustle of paper and plastic bag

Clatter of plates in sink…click of light switch…alarm beeps… door slams …tyres swish…horns sound…pedestrian crossing beeps

Your ticket sir - thank you

The train approaching platform 4 is the 8:20 to …

Doors swish open, doors close

…and if you see anything suspicious speak to the guard or contact the British Transport Police on…

The next station stop in approximately five minutes time will be…

Please retain your tickets as ticket barriers are in operation at this station

Doors swish open

Mind where you’re walking!

Clank of lift descending, doors open

Going up…concourse…

Ticket gates open… traffic passes by…

…you’ll want the 385 from Stand 6, next one in five minutes

Doors open

The Forge please, single and can you give me a shout when we get there

Bus engine roars

… he’s only just been let out and he’s at it again already

…how do you manage to cope with him?

…not sure as I can any longer…

A clock strikes quarter to the hour.

…no, he only served six months in the end, I wish he’d been in longer to be honest with you

…how’s your Brenda…

Your stop mate!

Doors open

Pedestrian crossing beeps, tyres squeal to a halt

Get a move on granddad!

Motorbike roars past…a clock strikes nine…footsteps running along the pavement… breathlessness…revolving door

Welcome to The Forge… can I help you sir?

Is it OK if I wait…I’m supposed to meet someone here?

Yes, you can wait in the lobby… and you’re welcome to get yourself a drink from the bar

Shoes clack on floor tiles

Coffee please, Americano, regular, some cold milk on the side

Low voices chatting

Williamson!

Yes, who are you?

Never mind that…you need to come with me…have you got the package?

Yes… I have…but I need to know who you are...if you think I’m just going to …

A bone cracks

Two sets of footsteps over tiled floor

Excuse me sir, is the gentleman alright?

No love he’s not feeling too well, so I’m giving him a lift back to his place

A car door closes, then a second

I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes… he’s after your blood… keep your mouth shut…  and put this over your head now!

Engine starts…car picks up speed…lots of traffic…less traffic…no other traffic…bird song…a tractor in the distance…a gravelled drive…engine stops

Take off the hood and get out…if you hadn’t been so difficult none of this would have been necessary

Footsteps on gravel, a door opens

Mr Williamson… what a pleasure to see you… and all the more so because you have my package…come into the kitchen and we can have a little chat and a coffee

Chairs scrape on the floor…hot drinks sipped…a mournful cow in the distance…fingers drum on the table.

This could have been so much easier couldn’t it?

Tyres on gravel...an engine stops...through the window, a Post Office van…two men…one man gets out…a loud knock on the front door

Damn, a postie, just when we don’t want one - get rid of him Harris

Front door squeaks open

Can you sign for this parcel please?

Who’s it for?

Mr Frobisher – is that you?

No, he’s no longer here…and before you ask, I don’t have a forwarding address… now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got stuff to do

Just a second…could I trouble you for a glass of water…it’s so hot out here

Back door crashes open

I’ll take this one…you get the one in the kitchen

Footsteps running across the floor…scuffles…screams of pain…silence

That was impressive…but who are you…obviously not postmen…

Out of the frying pan and into the fire for you mate… we’ll take the package thank you very much… have we got a treat in store for you!

I really don’t like the sound of this!