The Old Women's Race by Owen Townend

After being founded in 1850 by Dr William Penny Brookes of Much Wenlock, the Wenlock Olympian Society Games featured many sports both serious and silly including an Old Women's Race where the prize was a pound of tea...

I like Myfanwy

for the pound of tea;

she’s limber for seventy-eight.

She doesn’t often lurch

as we leave the church

and always keeps going straight.

You like Loretta,

say that she’s better

at short bursts of controlled speed.

Still you’ve seen how she wheezes,

and – God forbid! – sneezes

when she manages to take the lead.

Still this is a friendly bet

and don’t you try any tricks.

I’m not sure we’ll see old women race

at the next Much-Wenlock Olympics.

And off, Myfanwy!

And off, Loretta!

And off old Stanley

her Irish red setter.

The dog is nipping

at Myfawny’s heels

but Loretta’s tripping

and now she cartwheels!

I felt that fall!

The poor dear’s bones!

The crowd is appalled

as she puffs and groans.

But Myfawny is steady

and can’t be stopped

though she needs her Eddie

to keep her propped.

Is that cheating?

I shouldn’t think so.

His support his fleeting

and off she goes!

Here comes the finish line

and aren’t we all glad?

Loretta’s pained whine

is nothing but bad.

But there is Myfanwy

claiming her prize:

a pound of sweet tea

and tears in her eyes.

Now pay up, old man,

and let’s go to quoits.

Loretta has Stan

to put her to rights.