Change by Anna Kingston

Change

verb   /tʃeɪndʒ/

The act of becoming different, or the result of something becoming different

She wanted this change, craved it even, but, oh, it terrified her, too.

Making space for the fear, she could hear the house waking up around her, comforting her whilst she sat with the feelings that threatened to undo everything.

As she thought back over the years, she allowed herself to recognise that she had closed her mind to so much, to so many opportunities, because she feared the outcomes, feared the changes that would/might be wrought.

Probably for the first time in her life she was going to dare greatly, to let herself be seen.

She understood now what authenticity of self meant, that “living your best life” isn’t necessarily Insta-worthy immaculate photographs, that showing up didn’t ask you to stop loving the people in your life. At the same time, however, she was done with a lifetime of putting herself at the end of a long list, of not allowing her creativity to be seen, of swallowing all the disappointments that had festered and become resentments. 

She felt a little like a Borrower in reverse, trying to be a little bigger instead of staying small and quiet, to make sure that she and her needs were seen, and she’d never been all that good at climbing anyway…

With that thought, she smiled, picked up her bag and keys and silently let herself out of the house, breathing in the quiet morning air and walking towards the future.